The EQ Edge
Why ReLeaders Need More Than Brains to Win the Room
I’ve had days as a leader where I walked into a room and said all the right things—but still walked out knowing I missed it. And I’ve had other days where I said very little, but I could feel the room shift simply because I was tuned in to what wasn’t being said. I wasn’t reacting to the surface—I was responding to the soul of the room. Those have always been my best leadership days. The days when I wasn’t just aware of the plan—I was aware of the people. Days when I was emotionally awake, not just strategically alert.
That’s the power of Emotional Intelligence. And it’s what every ReLeader needs to lead well.
If anyone modeled this well, it was Jesus. Think of John 11—the story of Lazarus. Jesus knew He was about to raise Lazarus from the dead. He had the outcome in mind. But before He ever said, “Lazarus, come forth,” He paused. He wept. He connected. He met Mary and Martha in their grief. He didn't just bring resurrection—He brought presence. That’s Emotional Intelligence.
Jesus consistently read rooms, felt burdens, and responded with both grace and wisdom. Whether calming a storm or flipping tables, He showed mastery not just over circumstance but over emotional timing.
As a ReLeader—someone stepping into the middle of a story you didn’t start—your ability to “read the room” is more than a nice-to-have. It’s a lifeline. You inherit tension, trust issues, unspoken fears, maybe even wounds. That’s why IQ will never be enough. Strategy is critical. But Emotional Intelligence is what earns you the permission to lead.
Emotional Intelligence is what earns you the permission to lead.
Emotional Intelligence 101: What It Is and Why It Matters
The term Emotional Intelligence (or EQ) was popularized by psychologist Daniel Goleman, who identified five key components1:
Self-Awareness – Recognizing your own emotions and how they affect others.
Self-Regulation – Managing your emotional responses wisely.
Motivation – Staying driven by purpose and values, not just ambition.
Empathy – Understanding and tuning in to the emotions of others.
Social Skills – Building healthy relationships and influencing with integrity.
When you’re a ReLeader, you’re not just navigating a new job—you’re entering into an emotionally charged system. High EQ is the compass that helps you walk into that room, feel what’s happening under the surface, and respond in a way that brings calm, clarity, and trust.
According to a 2019 study in Frontiers in Psychology, teams led by emotionally intelligent leaders perform better, experience higher job satisfaction, and show stronger commitment to organizational goals. Translation? People follow people who “get it.” 2
You Didn’t Break It—But You Have to Feel It
One of the great paradoxes of ReLeadership is that you’re expected to fix things you didn’t break. You didn’t make the policy, hire the people, or drop the ball. But if you want to lead effectively, you’ve got to be willing to carry the emotional weight anyway.
That’s where self-awareness comes in. Can you walk into a broken room without absorbing the dysfunction? Can you stay rooted in who you are while being fully present with who they are?
Self-awareness helps you know what’s yours to carry and what isn’t. Self-regulation keeps you from reacting defensively when you’re blamed for something you didn’t cause. And empathy allows you to say, “I didn’t break it—but I see the pain it caused, and I care about healing it.”
This is not soft leadership. It’s spiritual leadership. In Philippians 2, Paul describes Jesus as one who “did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage... but made himself nothing, taking the nature of a servant.” Jesus didn’t cause the brokenness of the world—but He stepped into it anyway. That’s the posture of a ReLeader.
Reading the Room Isn’t Intuition—It’s Intelligence
We often think emotional insight is just a gift some people have. But psychology tells us it’s a skill—one you can strengthen.
Studies published in SAGE Open show that leaders with higher emotional intelligence are more likely to lead successful change initiatives, reduce team conflict, and increase staff retention.3 Why? Because EQ gives leaders the capacity to attune themselves to the undercurrent of emotions in the room—what researchers call “emotional granularity.”
In simple terms: people with high EQ can name what others are feeling, even when they’re not saying it. They can distinguish frustration from disappointment, fear from disengagement. And they respond accordingly.
As a ReLeader, that skill is everything. It’s how you know when to push forward and when to pause. When to speak vision and when to just sit with people in their mess.
High EQ Doesn’t Just Heal—It Builds
One of the common myths is that EQ is just about managing emotions. But in ReLeadership, EQ isn’t just about managing—it's about building.
Your ability to connect emotionally gives you the credibility to cast vision. Your ability to regulate your responses gives your team confidence in your steadiness. Your ability to empathize creates trust that turns into buy-in.
According to the Center for Creative Leadership, EQ accounts for nearly 90% of what sets high performers apart from peers with similar technical skills.4 And while IQ may help you get the job, EQ helps you keep the team.
So the next time you’re tempted to power through with a new strategy or initiative, ask yourself: Have I emotionally prepared the team for this shift?
Emotional Intelligence Is the Leadership Superpower No One Talks About
Here’s the honest truth: most of your team won’t remember your spreadsheets or systems. They’ll remember how you made them feel in moments of uncertainty.
Did you see them? Did you listen? Did you slow down long enough to recognize their fatigue—or their unspoken loyalty?
Inheriting a culture means inheriting emotions. Some teams are still grieving a previous leader. Some are guarded from past hurts. Some are skeptical because they’ve been promised change, which never came.
As a ReLeader, your job isn’t just to make things better—it’s to make people feel safe enough to believe it can be.
How to Grow Your EQ as a ReLeader
The good news is you’re not stuck with the EQ you were born with. Like any skill, you can grow it.
Here are a few intentional ways to strengthen your EQ:
Practice Self-Check-Ins: Pause throughout your day to name what you’re feeling. (“I’m frustrated.” “I’m anxious about that conversation.”) Labeling emotions helps defuse their power.
Ask, Don’t Assume: When tensions rise, ask your team members what they’re feeling instead of guessing. Sometimes, just being asked opens the door to healing.
Watch Body Language More Than Words: People often say one thing and feel another. Learn to observe posture, tone, and facial expressions as much as content.
Get Feedback Regularly: Ask trusted team members, “How do I come across in high-stress situations?” It may be hard to hear—but it’s gold for your growth.
Take Care of Your Inner Life: Prayer, solitude, journaling—these are not soft disciplines. They are soul-shaping practices that help you lead from a centered place.
Final Thought: Jesus Was Always in Tune
One of the things I love most about Jesus was how in tune He was with the people in front of Him. He knew when to challenge and when to comfort. When to cry and when to confront. When to heal and when to walk away.
He didn’t just read the room—He felt it. And He moved with compassion, even when it cost Him.
That’s the kind of leader I want to be. Not just smart. Not just strategic. But present, discerning, emotionally intelligent, especially when I’m leading in the aftermath of someone else’s storm.
Because ReLeadership isn’t just about fixing what’s broken—it’s about rebuilding trust, restoring people, and renewing hope. And that kind of work starts with EQ.
Goleman, Daniel. Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ.
Widely regarded as the foundational text on EQ, Goleman outlines five core components of emotional intelligence.
ISBN: 978-0553383713
Côté, Stéphane (2017). “Enhancing the Effectiveness of Emotional Intelligence Training: The Role of Reflective Journal Writing.” Frontiers in Psychology.
Discusses the relationship between emotional intelligence and improved leadership and team performance.
PMC Article
Clark, Malissa A. et al. (2023). “The Role of Emotional Intelligence in Change Leadership.” SAGE Open.
Study reveals that emotionally intelligent leaders facilitate change more effectively.
SAGE Journals
Center for Creative Leadership (CCL). “Emotional Intelligence and Leadership Effectiveness.”
Research showing how EQ correlates with high performance in leadership roles.
CCL Article
Wow. Great point! This is a much needed leadership quality that is absent or misunderstood by most failing leaders. Comes back to caring about your teams emotions and leading with compassion. When you lead as Pastor Jon explains it creates loyalty and helps the organization function at a much higher level with much more individual satisfaction.
I love this topic Jon! There is enough here to expand into a book. Leaders, including those in ministry, have to understand not just the importance of their own emotional intelligence but also developing it in others.