Great topic Pastor! I think we all wish we could go back ten years and do things differently than we did. 🤔 Shoulda, woulda, coulda, right? The cool thing about doing it wrong is that we learned and can look back with such grace for our younger self, and then in turn others. I hold true to Roman’s 8:28 always applying, we needed to err to learn and grow. ♥️
I heard a teaching once that encouraged us to consider asking those around us how they experience us? If you want to know who you are perceived as, that’s a great question. As long as those you ask are willing to be honest and open. I’ve asked a few over the years and sometimes it stings.
A few years ago my husband and I spent about a year defining our values individually and as a couple. I’m a rather convicted person when it comes to my values where he’s a bit more of a people pleaser. It was amazing how defining our values has helped us to make firm decisions in so many of the choices and opportunities that come along. And, we grow to be less people pleasing and more God pleasing. He is the reason we have the values we do and we want to use those values within the offering of our gifts.
This message truly resonated with me this morning. Thank you, Pastor Jon, for adding such valuable insight to my leadership journey. I would also add that being obsessed with what others think of you is the quickest way to forget what God thinks of you. Grateful for your wisdom and guidance!
A few more highly esteemed Biblical characters that knew how to stand, unwavering, in their identity & their values, are Esther & Mordechai, Shadrach, Mechach, & Abednego, & Daniel, just to name a few.
Standing true to who they were was more important than life itself!!
Jesus stayed true to His identity and His calling, to His values,... yet balanced it with caution of who He was vulnerable with. Jesus is such a great model for us, is He not?
He wasn't all that open with the Pharisees and Scribes. In fact He told us in Matthew 7:6 to be careful not to throw our pearls before swine.
He was selective, even in which disciples where invited to the Mt. of Transfiguration and to overhear His prayer in the Garden of Gethsemane (Luke 9:28-36 & Matthew 26:37).
He had his "safe people" even though, obviously, they weren't perfect. (Peter's betrayal).
Personally, I believe it was because He was so faithful in staying relational with Abba. There is where He knew He could be completely vulnerable, authentic, & gain accurate perspectives to keep Him focused on what was truly priority!
I find that the more time I spend with God's Word & time with the Trinity in true relationship, the more focused I become. It's easier to develop those relational values that correlate with my true identity with the Trinity in who He has created me to be.
It is so natural to desire to be liked and approved of by others and that leads us into people pleasing but I totally agree if your values are well enough defined then you can graciously listen to others but quickly are able to determine if their advice will lead you closer to your target values. Be known as a person who values others opinions and is open to input but is not swayed by those whose advice does not line up with your values. We must be willing to lovingly reject advice but not reject the advisor. As a leader we need to learn whose advice lines up best with our values and encourage those people to continue to advise us and yet quickly move on from the others who we are tempted to want to please but really don't have our same heart and values.
Great addition to the thought. Especially the part about "graciously listen to others but quickly are able to determine if their advice will lead you closer to your target values." Graciously listening is such a great thing to prioritize.
You are so right. You described a younger version of me. With maturity, I've realized that it was more important to please my heavenly Father. I now know if I focus on pleasing Him, everything else will fall into place.
This is really good, I don’t really view myself as a “people pleaser” but the projected image and perceived image still comes into play, there are people in my life I don’t care what they say or how they feel about me but then there are some that I do care about their perception … so it still comes into play for me, in certain relationships.
So people pleasing is a form of manipulation…and manipulation a form of witchcraft! To manipulate someone is typically for the gain of the manipulator. We cannot serve two masters either we serve God or we don’t … to seek to please man is for personal gain either as a subservient to the one trying to be pleased (to seek favor in their eyes) or to manipulate someone for personal gain and bring them into service of the people pleaser/manipulator.
“For do I now persuade men, or God? Or do I seek to please men? For if I still pleased men, I would not be a bondservant of Christ.”
Great post❣️ Just another one of those no-no’s in trying to control people. Will we ever learn. Haha.
Great topic Pastor! I think we all wish we could go back ten years and do things differently than we did. 🤔 Shoulda, woulda, coulda, right? The cool thing about doing it wrong is that we learned and can look back with such grace for our younger self, and then in turn others. I hold true to Roman’s 8:28 always applying, we needed to err to learn and grow. ♥️
I heard a teaching once that encouraged us to consider asking those around us how they experience us? If you want to know who you are perceived as, that’s a great question. As long as those you ask are willing to be honest and open. I’ve asked a few over the years and sometimes it stings.
A few years ago my husband and I spent about a year defining our values individually and as a couple. I’m a rather convicted person when it comes to my values where he’s a bit more of a people pleaser. It was amazing how defining our values has helped us to make firm decisions in so many of the choices and opportunities that come along. And, we grow to be less people pleasing and more God pleasing. He is the reason we have the values we do and we want to use those values within the offering of our gifts.
Wow what an awesome exercise...take a year to define values. Love that! Thank you for adding to the convo.
This message truly resonated with me this morning. Thank you, Pastor Jon, for adding such valuable insight to my leadership journey. I would also add that being obsessed with what others think of you is the quickest way to forget what God thinks of you. Grateful for your wisdom and guidance!
A few more highly esteemed Biblical characters that knew how to stand, unwavering, in their identity & their values, are Esther & Mordechai, Shadrach, Mechach, & Abednego, & Daniel, just to name a few.
Standing true to who they were was more important than life itself!!
What an example!!
Loved this article, Pastor, thank you!!
Jesus stayed true to His identity and His calling, to His values,... yet balanced it with caution of who He was vulnerable with. Jesus is such a great model for us, is He not?
He wasn't all that open with the Pharisees and Scribes. In fact He told us in Matthew 7:6 to be careful not to throw our pearls before swine.
He was selective, even in which disciples where invited to the Mt. of Transfiguration and to overhear His prayer in the Garden of Gethsemane (Luke 9:28-36 & Matthew 26:37).
He had his "safe people" even though, obviously, they weren't perfect. (Peter's betrayal).
Personally, I believe it was because He was so faithful in staying relational with Abba. There is where He knew He could be completely vulnerable, authentic, & gain accurate perspectives to keep Him focused on what was truly priority!
I find that the more time I spend with God's Word & time with the Trinity in true relationship, the more focused I become. It's easier to develop those relational values that correlate with my true identity with the Trinity in who He has created me to be.
Have a great week, ya'll!
Blessings,
Yes he did!
It is so natural to desire to be liked and approved of by others and that leads us into people pleasing but I totally agree if your values are well enough defined then you can graciously listen to others but quickly are able to determine if their advice will lead you closer to your target values. Be known as a person who values others opinions and is open to input but is not swayed by those whose advice does not line up with your values. We must be willing to lovingly reject advice but not reject the advisor. As a leader we need to learn whose advice lines up best with our values and encourage those people to continue to advise us and yet quickly move on from the others who we are tempted to want to please but really don't have our same heart and values.
Great addition to the thought. Especially the part about "graciously listen to others but quickly are able to determine if their advice will lead you closer to your target values." Graciously listening is such a great thing to prioritize.
You are so right. You described a younger version of me. With maturity, I've realized that it was more important to please my heavenly Father. I now know if I focus on pleasing Him, everything else will fall into place.
Great to hear from you Dr. Laine. I hope you guys are well!
This is really good, I don’t really view myself as a “people pleaser” but the projected image and perceived image still comes into play, there are people in my life I don’t care what they say or how they feel about me but then there are some that I do care about their perception … so it still comes into play for me, in certain relationships.
So people pleasing is a form of manipulation…and manipulation a form of witchcraft! To manipulate someone is typically for the gain of the manipulator. We cannot serve two masters either we serve God or we don’t … to seek to please man is for personal gain either as a subservient to the one trying to be pleased (to seek favor in their eyes) or to manipulate someone for personal gain and bring them into service of the people pleaser/manipulator.
“For do I now persuade men, or God? Or do I seek to please men? For if I still pleased men, I would not be a bondservant of Christ.”
Galatians 1:10 NKJV
https://bible.com/bible/114/gal.1.10.NKJV
Great addition. Thanks for sharing Michael.