Imposter Syndrome
Behind the Toughness of Every Leader
Imposter Syndrome - a psychological condition that is characterized by persistent doubt concerning one's abilities or accomplishments accompanied by the fear of being exposed as a fraud despite evidence of one's ongoing success.1
I've been there, and chances are, so have you. Let's be completely honest; it's something that still visits us from time to time. That daunting sense of "Am I truly worthy of this role, and what happens if they discover I'm not?" This dominated many of my thoughts during the initial phase of my journey as a Lead Pastor and subsequently as the President of a university and seminary. I remember my first sermon at The King’s University chapel. On paper, I was more than equipped for the moment—leading a large church, preaching every weekend, backed by a doctorate in university administration, and seasoned with nearly a decade as a university VP. Yet, as I stepped up to the podium, facing a room filled with theological scholars, the impostor within me stirred. The worry of mispronouncing a Greek term, failing to narrate a story accurately, inadequately, or exegeting the text. The possibility of me stumbling over the pronunciation of a biblical locale was palpable.
Imposter syndrome is that intrusive thought whispering, "You don't belong here." It's a common psychological pattern where individuals doubt their accomplishments and have an internalized fear of being exposed as a "fraud," despite evidence of their competence. Leaders, especially those in ReLeadership positions, might feel they are wearing a mantle that doesn't quite fit, constantly fearing that someone will tug it away and reveal their inadequacies.
Augustine and Martin Luther spoke of "Incurvatus in se," the heart turned inward on itself. In leadership, this can manifest as a preoccupation with self-doubt and a fixation on potential failure. It's a state of mind where one's vision is blurred by the fog of self-criticism.
How do we overcome this overwhelming sense of being in over our heads?
The Deep End With Dad
When my children were younger, the deep end of the pool seemed like uncharted territory to them, fraught with uncertainties and fears. They preferred the safety of the shallow end, where their feet could easily touch the bottom, and the pool's edge was within arm's reach—a comfort zone where they felt in control and self-reliant. However, the dynamic changed dramatically when I, standing at 6’7”, entered the pool. Suddenly, the deep end transformed from a place of apprehension to an arena of adventure.
My presence in the pool was a game-changer. In most neighborhood pools, my height allowed me to stand with ease, making the deeper waters less daunting for my kids. Knowing that I could touch the bottom and was always within reach provided them with a safety net. This assurance empowered them to venture into deeper waters, exploring and enjoying parts of the pool they had previously shunned. It was a tangible demonstration of trust; with their dad by their side, they felt invincible, ready to tackle challenges that once seemed insurmountable. The truth is, they were still in way over their head, but Dad was there to help them tread water.
Just as my children found the confidence to explore the deep end because of my presence, we too can navigate life's deeper, more challenging waters with assurance when we acknowledge the presence of our Heavenly Father. Our fears of inadequacy and the looming shadow of impostor syndrome often signal moments when we’re attempting to face the depths alone, forgetting that God is with us.
When we recognize that the Lord is in the pool with us, we are emboldened to swim in territories that previously seemed unreachable. His presence reassures us that we are never alone, even when we find ourselves in over our heads. It's in these moments, perhaps when our feet can't touch the bottom, and the safety of the edge feels miles away, that our faith deepens. We learn to rely not on our own strength but on His.
Remember, with God in the waters of life with us, we are encouraged to swim further, dive deeper, and explore the vastness of His plans for us without fear. The next time you find yourself hesitating at the edge of the unknown, remember the deep end with Dad—it's not just about swimming; it's about trusting the One who walks on water and invites us to do the impossible.
What Does God Say?
This is all that truly matters, isn’t it? As leaders, the first step to self-awareness is through the Word. It acts as a mirror, reflecting not what we wish to see but what we need to see. Hebrews 4:12 reminds us that it penetrates the soul and spirit, revealing the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. For every lie the enemy shouts, the Word of God whispers truth as a shield against his firely arrows. When we immerse ourselves in the truth, it frees us from the chains of self-deception.
I used to pray a prayer every night before I went to bed (and sometimes still do it today).
”Lord if there is someone better fit to lead than me, then I submit my resignation and I’m willing to do something more difficult.”
Every day I would lay it down. Acknowledging that I’m in over my head, and without Dad in the pool, I can’t do this. It reminded me that this is not about me. The ultimate step in self-awareness is to surrender the self. In the words of C.S. Lewis, “Until you have given up yourself, you will not have a real self.”
And guess what, the next morning I wake up, and I’m still the pastor. Which means the Lord did not accept my resignation last night. Therefore, until He does accept my resignation, I am the man for the job. I am not an imposture. He trusts me, therefore, I am the exact leader He has in mind.
Thoughts from other ReLeaders
This week, I did a live Zoom call with 15-20 of your fellow subscribers of ReLeader. Here are some of their thoughts on other ways to overcome imposture syndrome:
Lean Into Discomfort: Ryan's candid reflection on his experience as an African American pastor in a predominantly white congregation underscores a stark reality — leading amidst stark differences can amplify feelings of impostor syndrome. It's the terrain where contrasts in socioeconomic backgrounds, education levels, ages, and races intersect, nurturing the seeds of doubt. Yet, it's precisely within this mosaic of diversity that we must find our footing. We are called to confront the discomfort, to engage with challenging conversations, and to grow through the very differences that set us apart.
Accept Compliments: Someone in the group (I can’t remember who it was), said that when impostor syndrome looms, they have a very difficult time accepting compliments because they feel undeserved. Yet, learning to accept praise gracefully is crucial. Acknowledge your successes as true reflections of your abilities and consider constructive criticism as stepping stones to growth.
Seek Balance: Cliff noted during our Zoom call that he often responds to feelings of inadequacy by working more than necessary, a classic sign of impostor syndrome. The key to overcoming this pattern is to strike a healthy balance between work and rest, embracing the "unforced rhythms of grace" mentioned in Matthew 11:28, which restore equilibrium to our lives.
Refuting Negativity with Scripture: In our Zoom call, Dr. Daniel Davis (who has a brilliant substack on Spiritual Formation) highlighted the power of countering each negative thought with a corresponding truth from Scripture. It's about anchoring ourselves in God's promises, using His Word as a counterbalance to the adversary's deceptions. For every whisper of inadequacy, we can find solace and strength in a verse that confirms our ability and value in the eyes of God.
How about you? What thoughts would you add to the discussion about Imposture Syndrome or Self-Awareness in leadership?
https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/impostor%20syndrome
"A handmade mirror is like an accomplice to my thoughts and a spy of those who know me best... it always screams at me, silently saying, you're not good enough, you don't deserve, you don't know, you can't, etc."
Jon, it's an honor to read your message this morning! God has used you to silence that mirror and put a plug in its mouth!
Amen! God still has much to do with me and through me!
Truth. Seen it. Lived it. Here's my spin on it.
From my experience, most leaders become one by choice. We are attracted to the idea, at least initially, so we pursue it. We take on the burdens of responsibility. But in the back of our mind, we also think that there will be a quid-pro-quo (literally "this for that") for our sacrifice. That our desire for leadership will somehow deliver a sense of fulfillment or satisfaction. And sometimes it does, but more often, it does not. And then we start to think and wonder: "I thought this would be more fun." Wrestling with that realization really helps to dig into our underlying motivations. When leadership isn't satisfying/fulfilling, our internal critic tells us: "Of course it's not fun, because you are not worthy."
Imposter Syndrome arises when we misplace our expectations of leadership. If we assume our leadership will serve and fulfill our need for validation, then we've missed the mark. I have to constantly remind myself that God invites me into leadership because he has given me the gifts to do it. But I do it for his glory, not my own. Or as C.J. Johnson recently said, lordship has to come before leadership.