Discouragement - A Leaders Greatest Enemy

How to Avoid It, and Overcome It

As a leader, I believe that almost any challenge can be overcome. Whether it's staffing issues, budget problems, or uncertainties about the future, I am ready to tackle them head-on. If there's pain lingering from yesterday, pressing issues today, or concern about tomorrow, you can count on me to address them. I thrive on finding solutions, bringing teams together, and turning obstacles into opportunities. My inner Vanilla Ice comes out:

If there was a problem, yo, I'll solve it
Check out the hook while my DJ revolves it

But there is one problem that stops every leader dead in their tracks. This pesky little devil sneaks up on the greatest of leaders. It sneaks up on fathers and mothers, sons and daughters, rich and poor, CEOs and interns, teachers and students, athletes and fans, the celebrated and the forgotten. What is this F-5 leadership tornado?

Discouragement

Discouragement spares no one; it affects both the least and the greatest among us. As a ReLeader, you are surrounded by problems you often did not create.

·      A financial hole you did not dig.
·      An unhealthy staff you did not hire.
·     A dysfunctional business model you did not build.
·      A toxic culture you did not create.

It can be incredibly discouraging.

When ReLeaders step into their new role it’s not often met with parades and celebrations. You were brought in because something is broken. When something is broken, people scatter. Those who remain may be suffering from PTSD, cynicism, or a lack of hope.

You walk into all this, and the burden of leadership can feel overwhelming. The potential for failure looms.

So, what can we do about it? I'm pretty sure we can't completely avoid discouragement. Do we just accept it? Or is there something we can do to lessen the chances of getting plowed by this F-5 leadership tornado?

4 quick thoughts to avoid discouragement in advance:

Avoid False Expectations

I’ve discovered that most discouragement comes from unrealistic expectations—those preconceived notions we form in our minds that don't materialize, leading to disappointment. You might not realize it, but every thought you have is influenced by your past experiences. Your upbringing, life events, successes, failures, and interactions with people all shape your mindset.

Psychologists suggest that our brains are wired to create expectations based on past experiences. This "pre-experience" brain means that before we encounter any situation, we already have a preconceived notion of how it should unfold. For instance, if you arrive on time to a meeting, you expect everyone else to be punctual as well. If your past job saw sales double in a year, you might expect the same in your current role. Or you might think your church will grow significantly when you introduce a new small groups model, only to find it doesn’t.

Understanding this can help us recognize why we feel discouraged and adjust our expectations to be more realistic. When we feel discouragement, we should stop to see if we have experienced disappointment due to false expectations.

Avoid Comparison

The temptation of every ReLeader is to compare yourself to your predecessor. They say comparison is the thief of joy. I believe that’s true, but that comparison can be even more insidious. As a ReLeader, comparison will not only steal your happiness, it will suffocate your ability to lead as God intends.

I say that from experience.

At The King’s University, I was following in the footsteps of Jack Hayford. How could I ever measure up?

At Victory Church, my predecessor was a dynamic communicator who had built an incredible church. He was an incredibly gifted communicator, hilarious with a mic in his hand, and could hold thousands of people on the edge of their seats with his well-crafted messages. He could preach a sermon on “Mary Had a Little Lamb,” and hundreds would come to the altar to receive Christ. He had a huge vision to “reach a city, change a nation, and touch the world” and he swung hard at any pitch that came down the pipe. Eventually, he launched campuses in Las Vegas, NV, Corpus Christi, TX, Norman, OK, Edmond, OK, and even Maseru, Lesotho Africa (a small nation near South Africa). No problem following that, right?

Comparing my gifts to someone else’s is one of the most paralyzing things a leader can do. Joshua was nothing like Moses. Elisha was nothing like Elijah. Solomon led differently than David. God told Joshua, “In the same way I was with Moses, I will be with you.” He didn’t say, “I will do for you what I did for Moses.” This distinction is crucial. God reassured Joshua that His presence would be with him, not that his journey would mirror Moses’ experiences.

This principle holds true for all of us. If God wanted someone like your predecessor to fill the role, you wouldn’t be there. God has entrusted this position to you because He has equipped you with unique gifts and abilities tailored for this time and place. Stepping into this role with confidence means embracing your distinct qualities and trusting that God’s guidance will be with you as it was with those who came before.

Instead of falling into the trap of comparison, recognize that each leader brings something unique to the table. Just as Joshua brought his own strengths to the role, and Elisha followed a different path from Elijah, you have your own journey and mission. By focusing on your God-given abilities and trusting in His plan, you can lead with authenticity and purpose.

Remember, God chose you for this moment. Your leadership is not about replicating someone else's success, but about fulfilling the unique calling He has placed on your life. Embrace your role with confidence, knowing that you are equipped and empowered to lead in your own way.

Avoid Isolation

We’ve all heard the saying, “It’s lonely at the top.”

It’s a strange phenomenon because leaders have teams. After all, if no one’s following, you’re not leading. So, how can someone surrounded by people be lonely? In a great blog post, Carey Nieuwhof offers, “6 Reasons You Feel Lonely in Leadership” including what he calls, “The Last 10% of Leadership is the Loneliest.” He describes how the majority of problems you need to solve as a leader are not solvable by most of the people in your organization. (That’s why you get paid the big bucks!) He says that’s one of the reasons leaders feel lonely. It’s not that you are alone, it’s that you are alone with the most difficult decisions in your organization. Makes sense to me. Whatever the reasons, I’m pretty sure Three Dog Night was thinking about leaders when they sang “One is the loneliest number.”

If discouragement is our greatest enemy, then isolation is the doorway that leads us there. Consider this: the harshest punishment for a prisoner is solitary confinement. Isolation is about as bad as it gets, so it’s essential to avoid it. Surrounding yourself with other leaders is crucial.

As a pastor, I’ve discovered the importance of having a network of friends who are also pastors. While I work with some of my best friends, there are aspects of my role they cannot fully understand or discuss with me. That's why it's vital to have peers in the same field to talk to and process challenges with. They can offer insights and support that only someone in a similar position can provide.

Building these connections is not just beneficial but necessary for your growth and well-being as a leader. It helps you gain different perspectives, share experiences, and find encouragement. Leadership can be a lonely journey, but it doesn’t have to be. By intentionally seeking out and maintaining relationships with fellow leaders, you create a support system that can help you navigate the complexities of your role.

Remember, you’re not alone in your leadership journey. Surround yourself with those who understand your unique challenges and can walk alongside you, providing the support and camaraderie you need. Hey, you’re a part of this ReLeader community! That’s a start!

Encourage Yourself

No matter how hard we try, we can never completely avoid discouragement. So what do we do when we are discouraged? There's another class of leaders, a level I strive to reach. These are the ninja-level leaders who possess the ability to do something truly incredible—something few actually do, yet all have the potential to achieve. What is this masterful, game-changing leadership ninja move?

The ability to encourage yourself.

As a leader, discouragement is the greatest threat to your mission. The prefix "dis-" means "to remove or take out of," so to discourage is "to remove courage from." What we need instead is encouragement. The prefix "en-" means "to place, attach, or implant," so to encourage is "to put courage in."

ReLeaders need God's reassurance like people need oxygen. Like eggs need bacon. Like bacon needs... more bacon.

God delivers His reassurance in various ways. Sometimes it's through people, and I am immensely grateful for the individuals God has placed around me to encourage me and keep me pressing forward. We might also find encouragement through music, podcasts, sermons, or other forms of inspiration. But one man in scripture was able to find his encouragement with no “outside” help, but from a greater source within himself.

Where David Got It

The Amalekites had raided King David's camp while he and his army were away, taking all their wives and children. When David and his men returned to find their families gone, they were devastated. In their anguish, the army turned on David, ready to stone him to death. They were exhausted from previous battles and overwhelmed by this unimaginable loss, with discouragement weighing heavily upon them.

Here’s what David did:

And David was greatly distressed; for the people spoke of stoning him, because the soul of all the people was grieved, every man for his sons and for his daughters: but David encouraged himself in the Lord his God. (1 Samuel 30:6, KJV).

Of all the leadership qualities David demonstrated throughout his life, his ability to encourage himself in the Lord was his superpower. This unique trait empowered David when he needed it most.

Notice that he encouraged himself, but he did so “in the Lord his God.” He was drawing from a well within himself. We, too, have access to this well. John 7:38 (NIV) says, "Whoever believes in me, as Scripture has said, rivers of living water will flow from within them."

If you’re feeling discouraged, take heart. God is with you. Not only is He with you, but He is also within you, empowering you, equipping you, and encouraging you to push forward.